New Years Resolution 2011!!!

Welcome my friends to another year orbiting the sun, yes thats right we made it a whole year without blowing up our planet, getting hit with a asteroid, and hey! we didn't even blow the moon up yet so all things considered we are doing pretty good. Every year we all like to make little promises to ourselves most commonly being weight loss, for some pathetic reason people feel the need to drop some pounds and tone up just so they can live a couple extra years but hey who am I to judge what makes other people feel better about themselves even if it proves that the mass population of this planet is still vein beyond belief. Well here is my new years resolution, no its not to drop a few pounds off my lard ass because lets face it I know I'm gunna die young but at least I will be pretty. No my new years resolution is to become an even bigger asshole, yes thats right fuckwads and douche bags I'm pulling an Emril and kicking it up a notch, BAM!.... Anyway. Now most my rants are for your entertainment and enjoyment for the most part but now I want to get a bit more serious and really get involved in the issues that piss me off to no extent, that doesn't mean I wont still have my cold heartless way of looking at things. Tim Hortons will be next in line if they don't get their shit together. That bitch I dumped my LARGE! not VENTI! coffee on at star-bucks can attest that if you fuck with my coffee you will be told how much you and your company suck but hey at least the people at star-bucks know how to stir a fucking coffee! maybe its just because they are mostly caucasian there (Not to be racist). If your staff at Tim Hortons is too fucking lazy to stir a god damn coffee get a machine like the blizzard maker at DQ to stir the coffee for 2.5 seconds automatically. I know its almost considered high treason to bash Tim Hortons in Canada but they pissed me off when they let Sweden make all their fucking baking and ship it thousands of miles across the fucking sea to be warmed up in a microwave and put on display. I cant believe I'm saying this but remember the good old days when you walked into to Tim Hortons and smelled the fresh baking and fresh ground coffee? now you hear the ding ding of the god damn microwave and week old frozen timbits come out of a tray. My first real rant of the year is due this weekend, its going to be about the first murder of the year. So get your crucifix, gasoline and white bed sheets together for this one. HAHA kidding kidding I swear if I get emails from people calling me racist I will have to point out that if its an observation that is true its not racist. I love my cheese and wine and my friend ray ray loves K.F.C fact of life guys.

THANK GOD FOR WEIGHT CONTROL OATMEAL.....

Tim Hortons came out with oatmeal in Maple Brown and Mixed Berry. Trust me stick with Maple Brown Mixed berry tastes like a sour asshole and yes I would know damn well what that tastes like I am one after all. So after work I had a routine of getting a beautiful bowl of warm maple flavored bowl of goodness for like $3.00. time goes by and I stop getting the oatmeal because why buy it every damn day when I can wait and get some at home. Later I find out that I have two different kinds of Quaker Oatmeal one cinnamon and one maple brown sugar AWESOME! just my luck I go to grab the brown sugar box and I notice to my dismay this box.

Are you fucking kidding me people? who the fuck makes a more healthy Oatmeal.. ITS OATMEAL AND HOT WATER! how the fuck do you make that any more healthy and by healthy I don't mean less fat or calories I mean now it tastes like fucking ass and you can taste the chemicals or additives of some sort. if you cant read the fine yellow print it says Specially formulated to fill you up... How dumb are these people on diets and shit, Its fucking oatmeal you stupid sons of bitches!! It's gunna fill you up because it turns directly after you eat it into a heavy log of shit even in your stomach and it weighs like 5  pounds. I dare you to buy the old classic Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal and try this stuff and you will soon realize why I am so angry.


 You see oatmeal for me has a special place in my heart. when I eat the right flavor of oatmeal it brings me back to the age of 3 or 4 when I was at my Grandmothers house and I would be sitting at the kitchen table while she stood in her robe making a pot of grandma style oatmeal which by the way is probably the same way you and I make it but some how its better if your grandma makes it. I mean Milk came in a fucking bag, I shit you not people I opened her fridge and she had a BAG of fucking milk in a jug thing, and it tasted so fucking good. Its a memory that I love to treasure and this altered for no fucking reason cardboard shit meal as I call it has spit on that memory. I find it insane we are making originally healthy good for you food more healthy and good for you. You wanna make a breakfast sausage egg and cheese sandwich more healthy and taste like ass feel free cuz I agree things like that are pretty unhealthy but leave oatmeal alone ya fucking yokels